What I learned on my birthday!

I was so ornery about my birthday this year. I didn't want any presents (I am fat and pregnant, I feel my house is closing in on me, and I just figured I didn't need anything or want anything). I didn't want people to feel obligated to come be with me. Plain and simple I was not looking forward to my birthday. I had the day off of school, and Chris said I could do whatever I wanted for the weekend. I didn't know what I wanted until I finally figured it out. I decided to spend the weekend scrap-booking. It is something that I love to do, yet rarely have time to do it, so I splurged on lots of treats (TWO boxes of Milk Duds) and spent Friday night and Saturday doing what I wanted. But as I sat there and scrap-booked, things started to come into perspective. I wanted to be with my kids.

I was going to turn 32 - I had all these feelings of disappointment about my life. I feel like I work so hard with preschool and give all my patience and creativity to the students, and then at the end of the day my kids (and especially Chris) get the snippy, ornery, tired, overwhelmed me, that I don't even like. So for my 32nd birthday I wanted to be with my kids! I wanted to let them be kids and explore and experience life without their ornery mom getting in the way of their play. (It stresses me out to no end to have them make messes at the house). I took them to Discovery Gateway and watched their faces and was completely happy. I wish I could have been more involved in their play (that was the mom that I always envisioned myself as) but instead I just sat back and relished in their happiness. It turned out to be the best birthday because I was celebrating my children which are the most important accomplishment of my life. I was happy because they were happy.
Chris ended up meeting us there after work and we went to dinner afterwards. I enjoyed the many phone calls from people in my life that care about me regardless of my level of orneriness and don't need me to plan my own party. I enjoyed the facebook messages (cheesy - I know). It was a good day. I felt loved!
My next year I hope to be able to let my kids be kids. I hope to be more patient and not so stressed. I hope to enjoy life as it comes to me. I hope to embrace the people in my life who love me and support me.
I've been hard to live with the past couple of months. I blame it on the pregnancy, my hormones, my stress-level, my lack of spirituality, etc, etc. But the people who have stuck by me through it all mean so much to me. Chris, my kids, my mom all deserve a shout out, because they get the worst me...yet they love me through it all! So happy birthday indeed!